If you are a man, then you watch sports stations. Most likely ESPN, Comcast, or something owned by Ted Turner, and we get to know sportscasters and analysts pretty well. It does not take long to realize how annoying and full of themselves some broadcasters are. So I am going to narrow it down to 10 (as hard as that is), and not just ones working today, but mainly from our generation of ESPN talking heads and a few from other places.
Disclaimer: I understand that Stephen A. Smith, Skip Bayless, and Colin Cowherd are so annoying it hurts. However, they are annoying on purpose to get ratings and every one knows it. So they should be on the list, but I was going more for the under the radar people who are not openly annoying on purpose.
10. Sean Salisbury
The only reason he is not higher on the list is because he doesn’t work for ESPN any longer. He was fired because it was “rumored” — and by rumored I mean it pretty much happened and every knows it — to have sent a picture of his slinky to Suzy Kolber. But aside from the fact of him being a giant pervert, he was just an all around tool. He is one of the worst types of sports people, the ones who never did anything but talk as if they are awaiting a call from Canton. From 1986-1994 “Slinging” Sean Salisbury had 19 touchdown passes. He had no business ever talking about Peyton Manning in a bar, let alone on national TV.
9. John Clayton
I do not know exactly what John Clayton does. Is he an insider? Is he an analyst? Is he the crypt keeper? It seems that all he does is get on TV to remind everyone he never played a sport in his life and then reads the bottom line to us. He might not come off as bad if he didn’t act like he is shoving ‘the fact he was never an athlete but gets to talk to them all the time’ in everyone’s face. And that hair? Come on. Who is running ESPN, or any TV station for that matter, and lets that head of hair on the air? The whole existence of John Clayton is baffling.
8. Phil Sims
I am going to forget about the fact that Phil Sims was a Giant. However, I can not forget about the fact he is a Giant reason I hate watching NFL football on CBS. This is not all about him though. It is also annoying that apparently if you have zero talent to play QB…..but your last name is Sims…. you get to play at a division one school. And not just one kid, but all 17 sons because they seem to pop up every season. I feel like if anyone ever met Phil Sims he would tell them just how awesome he is and how awful they are. And he has been working in broadcasting since 1994 so it has been almost 20 years of this crap.
7. Chris Berman
Chris Berman is one of the worst types of people. We all know at least one. The person in the room who thinks they are really funny but you just want to smack them in the face with a hammer to let them know they are not. Nothing he says is funny; his obsession with the Buffalo Bills isn’t funny; his nicknames are not funny; and the fact that I have to watch the home run derby every season on mute because of his annoying banter is not funny. It is almost like he is that friend no one likes, but he has been around so long you have to put up with him.
Ducking under the camera….however….is funny.
6. Troy Aikman
Aikman, much like Sims, has nothing to do with the former team he used to play for. It has to do with the fact Troy has the personality and entertainment value as the couch cushion we sit on to watch the games he does his best to ruin. This coming fall when you watch a Cowboys vs…..(fill in the blank) when Aikman is calling the game, there is only one team so it does not matter. But listen closely to how many times he says “Well Yeah” every time Joe Buck asks a question the response is “Well Yeah….”
Joe Buck – “Troy you notice how cold it is today how can that effect a player?”
Troy – “Well Yeah Joe, it can play a part but I am so full of hot air it never effected me.”
5. Mark Schlereth
You know what you shouldn’t do when your job is to talk sports to people who watch you on TV? How about start every sentence with “….when you are in the NFL.” Really Mark? Oh you played in the NFL, shocking…tell us more and while you are at it, remind all of us that we never did and never will play in the NFL because I had not come to that realization by the age of 12. He also reminds us of how many super bowls he won because after about 10 minutes I forget, but he always tells me again. Love it.
4. Kenny Albert
If you watch Redskins games every Sunday then what feels like 7 times a year you hear THAT voice. You do not need to see him, all you need to hear is “Live from FedEx Field” and you almost automatically lose interest in the game. It is almost as if he is trying to do a bad impression of his father while talking. I wonder if he realizes that he is on the worst broadcast team? Or does he think the Tampa Bay vs Minnesota week 15 game is must see TV so Fox sent him into Minnesota in December?
3. Pam Ward
This one is tough because Pam Ward is from the DMV, and it takes a lot for a woman to make it in sportscasting and I understand that. However, if it’s your job to make sports a pleasant experience for people to watch, and your biggest talent is making a Noon Big Ten football game of Northwestern vs. Indiana even more boring then it already is, then you are not very good at your job. She is high on this list not because she is a woman, but because she is not on that often. So for her to be that annoying when I only hear from her once a week, then she probably has the personally of a bag of dirt.
2. Chris Collinsworth
Chris Collinsworth is the most arrogant person on earth and it is not even close. I would place a bet with some body that on his body some place there is a tattoo that says “White Jerry Rice.” He is also one of those types that just states the obvious.
Referee – “Holding number 60. 10 yard penalty repeat 1st down”
Collinsworthless – “Yeah, see you just can not do that”
Thank you Chris for pointing that out……we appreciate that.
1. Tim McCarver
Tim McCarver is, for lack of a better word dumb, and there is no getting around it. The reason why baseball ratings on TV are down is not steriods, pace of the game, or lack of excitement…..it is Tim McCarver. Let’s go over some quotes. Now I warn you, these might make you in turn dumber, but its worth it.
“Bob Gibson was one of the luckiest pitchers I ever saw. He always pitched when the other team didn’t score any runs”……let that one sink in.
“Grissom has 7 brothers and sisters. So the Braves hit him in the top of the lineup because he is used to setting the table”….Wow
“Mt. Everest erupts again!”….You can not make this stuff up.
My personal favorite — “He is using that glove like a mitt”
He is the worst and it is not even close. It is a credit to Joe Buck that he does not smack him in the mouth with every non thought out stupid comment that comes out of it.
Sports are awesome and it is saying something about how awesome when we still watch knowing we will have to listen to these 10 people.
Want to add someone to the list….feel free to leave the name of your least favorite sportscaster below in the comments.