Our Top Ten list of the greatest kids sports movies of all time got me thinking. Who is the best movie coach to ever grace the screen?

I did not limit the coaches to just kids movies but rather all sports movies. This was a tough list to make and odds are some of you are going to have different opinions than me which is why we have that nifty little comment box at the bottom so you can get your two cents in on the topic.

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10. Bud Kilmer- Varsity Blues

“You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know”

“Only pain that matters is the pain you inflict!”

Although all of his players hated him for the most part, Bud Kilmer got results. 2 state titles and 22 district championships make him the Bear Bryant of football movie coaches. He is so low on the list because as we all remember he pretty much quit on his team, had a nervous break down, and no one has seen him since. Not to mention the fact he got punked by the Dawson’s Creek guy and that should never happen to anyone.

 

9. Patches O’Houlihan – Dodgeball

“Come on I get better runs in my shorts!”

” Son you’re about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop”

The coaching job Patches did in Dodgeball was nothing short of amazing. He is like a handicapped meaner version of Buck Showalter. He got the most out of his players before he was tragically crushed while wheeling himself through a casino. But lets face it, he had a good run, and remember Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge.

 

8. Mickey goldmill – Rocky

“You’re a Bum!”

“Women weaken legs!”

 

The relationship Mickey had with Rocky reached us on so many different levels you couldn’t help but want someone like that in your life. In Rocky I he pushed Rocky to be something that Mickey knew he could be. In Rocky II he helped him get through Adrian’s near death and come back from retirement. In Rocky III we all know what happens and if you do not get choked up when Mickey dies then you my friend to not have a soul.

 

7. Danny O’Shea – Little Giants

Danny O’Shea [Recruiting Timmy] Do you play football?
Timmy Moore No.
Danny O’Shea Do you like football?
Timmy MooreNo.
Danny O’Shea Do you want to play football?
Timmy Moore No.
Danny O’Shea Great, you can be on our team.”

 

Danny O’Shea is a single father to a super star athlete and along with that the little brother of a former Heisman Trophy winner. He knows little to nothing about football nor has a speck of athletic ability, BUT he is an undefeated football coach. How you ask? Well for one thing he is a good recruiter choosing to hit on his QBs mom rather than pay them like most coaches would, he hires good assistants (specifically a cutting edge offensive coordinator), and lastly he lets the kids have fun which is all kids want to do anyway. Danny O’Shea…. the exact opposite of Tom Coughlin.

 

6. Lou Brown – Major League I and II

“My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.”

“OK, we won a game yesterday. If we win today, it’s called “two in a row”. And if we win again tomorrow, it’s called a “winning streak”… It has happened before!

 

Lou Brown was the type of coach every team needed. He could take young players like Willie “Mays” Hayes and Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn and turn them into winners, all while making the veterans like Jake Taylor and Rodger Dorn respect him (granted he pissed all over Dorn’s contract but he is got the job done). Let us also not forget the fact that this man wanted to win so badly he had a heart attack in the locker room! If that is not competitive then I have no idea what is.

 

5. Tony D’Amato – Any Given Sunday

“You’re a goddamn quarterback! You know what that means? It’s the top spot, kid. It’s the guy who takes the fall. It’s the guy everybody’s looking at first – the leader of a team – who will support you when they understand you. Who will break their ribs and their noses and their necks for you, because they believe. ‘Cause you make them believe. That’s a quarterback.”

 

It takes a special coach to lead a team of high-priced athletes to the promise land and that is what D’Amato did. There were, however, bumps in the road as he had to change as a man and a coach to better his team. That is what made him so great, his ability to adapt to situations and changing times but never lose his old school attitude towards football. Pretty much sounds like who the Redskins need to coach them.

 

4. Irving “Irv” Blitzer  – Cool Runnings

 

Quotes – “Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.”

 

Ol Irv came from the school of cheating to win and he was outcast from the sport he loved because of it. But like most people he got a second chance and made the most of it. All while sticking it up everyone’s butt who said he couldn’t win with a Jamaican bobsled team. He also taught his team of four how to take pride in themselves and their country as we see during the part in the movie where they carry the sled over the finish line (tugs at the heart strings) and they teach him how winning isn’t everything.

 

3. Gordon Bombay – Might Ducks I,II, and sort of III

 

“Have you guys ever seen a flock of ducks flying in perfect formation? It’s beautiful. Pretty awesome the way they all stick together. Ducks never say die. Ever seen a duck fight? No way. Why? Because the other animals are afraid. They know that if they mess with one duck, they gotta deal with the whole flock. I’m proud to be a Duck, and I’d be proud to fly with any one of you. So how about it? Who’s a Duck? “

” And when everyone says it can’t be done…..Ducks fly together.”

Bombay gets most of his credit due to the fact that he got a group of kids to buy into a Duck being their mascot. I mean sure Oregon does it but they have to get those kids all kinds of free Nike stuff. He also has strong ties to real professional athletes with his DUI charges. He was a master at using uncommon methods to help his teams get better such as hitting eggs instead of hockey pucks. He was a master of motivation and the Minnesota Miracle Man.

 

2. Pete Bell – Blue Chips

“Dwayne, you can get through college half-assed. Richard, you can get through LIFE half-assed. But I’ll guarantee you boys one thing: sure as hell, I’ll guarantee you this: you cannot *win* half-assed!”

 

Granted Pete Bell had a stacked team and payed to get it that way, but let’s not focus on that. Bell was a coach, he knew the game and how to teach it. Before he got suckered into paying for players he got the most out of less talent while other coaches bought players. He had a fiery temper and a heck of a right leg for punting basketballs into the upper deck of the arena. What made Pete Bell so great though was his admission to cheating and stepping down from his job. It takes some big basketballs to do that.

 

1. Jimmy Dugan – League of Their Own

“Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!

“Baseball is what gets inside you. It’s what lights you up, you can’t deny that.”

 

Hands down the funniest coach on this list and trust me, I could have made a whole article on just his quotes. He was a recovering drunk whose love for his sport was so great that he didn’t care if it was men or women playing the game. Dugan was also there for the children of the community telling them to avoid the clap. His greatest coaching feat has to be getting to game 7 of the World Series with out his best player for the first 6 games! Jimmy Dugan is the G.O.A.T.

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I realize that most of you probably think some obvious names were left off this list. Lucky for you there is an honorable mention/ explanation of why I left people off the list.

 

Herman Boone

The movie isn’t historically on point. When TC Williams opened it was a power house and beat every team by 40-50 points, sorry to ruin it for you but they didn’t even need coaches thus they didn’t need a movie.

 

Norman Dale – Hoosiers

He didn’t want to give the ball to Jimmy on the last play in the state championship. Hence he is an idiot.

 

Coach Eric Taylor – Friday Night Lights (the TV show)

 

The list was based on movies not tv shows. But if I had combined the list together then Coach Taylor would have been number one and it would not have even been close. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.


 

 

 

 

 

 

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